See you in a minute....

Katie, I miss you soooo much.  I know we said see you in a minute the last time we spoke, but

the minutes are taking hours and the hours are taking days.  I miss your sweet smile that would light up the room.  But, I can't focus on what I don't have but what I was blessed with for the 17 years of having you hear on this earth.  I am still amazed by the impact that your life has made on this world.  You were such a quiet girl that demanded little attention, yet the world was enamored by you.  What they saw in you was the love of Jesus.  The time spent with you in your last days we all got to witness that love first hand.  He was your everything.  Oh how I long to have that same love....You have inspired me to pursue a relationship with Christ that I never thought possible.  But, apparently He loved you so much that He wanted you with Him instead of with us hear on earth.  So, are hearts are aching from missing you, but we are so happy that you are with your Lord and Savior at last.  So, I will see you in a minute Katie....

Not just a coincidence!!

Blessings.....

Well, I thought that I would stop blogging after I was finished with my chemo, but I soon found out that the Lord was not finished with my "journey". I actually don't even know where to begin. All I can say is that "God is amazing!"

When I was finished with my battle with breast cancer, I knew that I would never be the same person again. It changes how you feel on the inside, outside, and everything in between. The first adjustment, was this new hair that I have. That was my first blessing from God! Before chemo, I had fine, thin, straight hair. Then, when my hair started growing back I found out that
God had blessed me with a full head of thick, curly, course , really fun hair!!

The next blessing was a little more painful to receive. If any of you have heard the song by Laura Story, "Blessings", that is my theme song. My blessings definitely came through raindrops. All throughout my battle with cancer, I really felt as though I was trusting in the Lord with all of my heart. But, he reminded me very harshly, that I was not. I was still placing my absolute trust in myself and my control. I allowed the Lord control, as long as it wasn't too painful. As soon as it started getting uncomfortable for me, I grabbed those reigns. I just have to tell you, that through the love of an amazing friend, and sister in Christ, I have to come to learn what totally trusting in God means! It has changed my life and my families!! God is sooooo good. I will elaborate more as the days go by, but God has just really been prompting me to start blogging again. I can not tell you how many blessings have come my way, through my battle with cancer, and my struggle with my own control. I have been able to speak God's truth to soooo many people that otherwise I would never come in to contact with ever in my life. When I actually let myself "be still" and know that He is God, all of those blessings became so evident to me. For any of you who may read this and the rest of my story, please know that I do not want any of the glory to come my way. It all belongs to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who sat beside me and watched me try to control my life for such a long time. What a reunion that was when I finally was able to reach over and grab His hand and begin to walk RIGHT beside Him instead of in front of Him. Try it, you too, will be blessed. That is His promise!

"May your feet walk in holiness and

your steps be ordered by the Lord.

May your hands be tender and helping,

blessing those in need.

May your heart be humble and

receptive to one another

and to the things of God, not to the world."

2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I think it has finally sunk in...I'm done with chemo!!!!! I can't explain the feeling that I have. I have been able to sit and reflect a little about my journey and how lucky I am. I am probably sounding like a broken record by now. This has definitely changed my life forever. Every life experience I have had up until now, I think, how can the Lord top that one! He manages do it every time. I feel closer to Him than ever before. There were many days laying in that bed, that the only one that was there listening was Him. It brought a closeness in our relationship that I haven't ever felt before. I look for a purpose in everything now! Don't get me wrong, I still have my "mindless" activities that I will enjoy...such as shopping!! But, my everyday relationships have changed. I have learned to slow down and "be strong in the Lord, never give up hope...forgive and forget...don't forget why you're here..." I will NEVER forget why I am here ever again!!! It's not to aquire earthly things...it's to let His light shine every day and thank God for each and every day that He chooses to give you, regardless of the circumstances!!!

I wanted to post some shots of my pink party at my last chemo! The people that you hear me talk about all of the time. The one's that I couldn't have gotten through all of this without!!! The last shot is with my "kindred spirit" , my niece Rory. She is such a little spitfire. I can't help but feel a connection with her. (besides the fact that we have the same hair-do going on!! I love you Rory Morgan!! You make me smile!!

Cinderella....

Most of you will probably think that I am losing my "marbles" after you read this post, but the people that this is really meant for will totally understand!!

As a mother, I pray that I will never hear the words that one of my children has cancer. At the beginning of this "journey" I guess I didn't really stop and think about how this all affected my mom. Even though all of her kids are grown, she is still a mom. Now, she was dealing with one of her children fighting cancer. My mom is the most amazing woman that I know. This has probably been the hardest on her! I could not have done this without her. She has totally put her life on hold, for me and my family. We have a standing joke around here.... Mom's nickname is "Cinderella" . She is always running around this house, working while I lay in bed. She is either making dinner, doing laundry, vacuuming, running to the store for my latest cravings, just sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my legs. From the very first day of chemo, she is available to do whatever is needed of her. And that is usually a lot!!

Cinderella, today was your last "chemo" day to work. I can't thank you enough. Words can't even BEGIN to express how much help you have been to me and my family!!! I love you!!!!

An end to chapter of Jen's Journey....

Well, it's hard to believe that this chapter of my journey is coming to an end. It's been quite a journey, but a purposeful one. I am so blessed with so much support around for me AND my family. I can't imagine doing it any other way. From my sister organizing soooo many meals, my husband for supporting me at my treatments, my mother-in law being the taxi cab driver, my other sister being the cheering squad ( well really Rory and Abby), and ALL of the prayers!

When I set out on this journey, I was determined to not be "defined" by this cancer. I can't say that our lives haven't been affected dramatically by the cancer, but it definitely didn't define me. The Journey did. It has become my ministry. The sermon in church today was about Paul and Silas and their ministry. How they used every opportunity to minister to people. Whether it was a woman on a corner or the prison guard that had beaten them moments earlier! While I was listening to the pastor, I was thinking of how my story related to theirs. They did not have an easy time of it, that's for sure, but they never quit. They were determined to turn their hardships into good for the Glory of God. That is exactly what my goal was and still is. I pray that when people hear my story they don't feel sorry for me. I hope that they see how I have turned a pretty grim situation into a ministry to win people to Christ. Thank you Lord, for this opportunity!!

Still here.....

yes...in case any of you were wondering, I am still alive and kicking. I guess things have been so busy with trying to keep "normal" life going, I haven't had the energy to sit down and blog about it. I can't believe that I only have one more chemo treatment left! When I was told in August that I was going to have to go through this, 5 months seemed like such a long time. Don't get me wrong, it has been a long road, but it really is going by fast. The last treatment went pretty good. I was definitely more physically exhausted, but not quite as sick. I think my last one will be better because of the mental victory, knowing that I have completed the battle! What a feeling it will be when I can stand up and claim VICTORY!

Things have been challenging at home trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. When that week of chemo is over and I start feeling better, I want nothing more than to be a normal wife and mother. But, my body just doesn't allow me to do that. The simplest of things, like going to the grocery store, are physically exhausting. It is really easy to start feeling really depressed. That's when I have to remember, I might be feeling better, but the battle is still raging inside my body. I just picture all of those cancer cells (if there are any) getting destroyed by the chemo. That pumps me up. The hardest part is when my baby girl is sitting on my lap crying, because I can't go watch her program at school because I'm too weak from the treatment and just can't be around all those people. That breaks my heart. She is so young and she doesn't understand all of this. She just wants her mommy back. Little does she know that when I am done with all of this, she is going to be sick of me. She will want me to stay home once and awhile! I can't wait for that day!

God has provided me with some amazing opportunities to share my story with people that would normally never hear it. I got a call from my pastor at church and was asked to share my story at the Thanksgiving service last week. People prayed all week that I would have the strength to make it, just 5 days after my treatment. I made it and managed to make the entire church cry. I just pray that my story touched just one person and made them realize that with God all things are possible....! Even the most impossible situations! This week, I am going to speak at my nephew's class at Boulder Creek High School class and share my story. Thanks you Lord for enabling and equipping me! It's all for your honor and glory!!

I will try and be better about updating. It will be a busy week, trying to get the house decorated for the holidays. Bye for now.