Blessings.....

Today I was reminded all day of God's blessings. Yesterday was such a bad day. There was nowehere to go but up. I talked to a neighbor friend that is just finishing her battle with this horrible disease and I needed a peptalk! Boy, did she give it to me. I wanted sympathy for having to go through chemo, and her response was, "so what!!" "that's your insurance" "everytime you go in there for those injections, you thank the Lord for that healing medicine going in to my body to give me one more day with my family and one more day with my husband!" Boy, did that snap me out of my pity party! She reminded me that I need to focus on God's blessings and gifts instead of all that has been and probably will be taken from me. Everyday is a gift! Think of everything that I have been given. I have an amazing Savior in Jesus Christ, that I didn't have to give anything for except my heart! That's quite a gift. He gave His life for me! How can I complain about such trivial things like boobs and hairloss!! Yes, I know that I am human and my response was completely natural. But, I just need to make sure that I don't focus on those things. Focus on the blessings!!!!!!!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. And again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of god, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things. Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."--Ephesians 4:4-8, 11-13

His grace is greater than my sin.....

Well, today was hard day. It was my first day that I really didn't feel very strong. I know everyone is telling me how strong I am, but I really didn't feel that today. We went to the surgeon this morning. Going in to the appoinment, I was feeling pretty positive. I know that all the news has been positive. All the lymphnodes were clear, the margins were clear. Nothing could be better. But, when I heard the Dr. say the word chemotherapy, I felt the strength just get sucked out of me. I know that I should be happy for everything else, and thankful that I have the treatment available. I just needed to have a little pity party. I guess that I just need time to process it all and grieve a little. Maybe it's vain, but I will get over it. The scripture that the Lord gave to me today came from a comment posted that I hadn't seen before today. It just jumped out at me.

James 1:12 Blessed is the woman who perserveres under trial because when she has stood the test, she will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

Back together again!

Today was a good day. The pain was so much better and the itching is gone! Best of all....my kiddos are home! We are all back together again. Although I was glad that they were able to get away and have fun and I was able to get some good rest, I'm happier to have us all together again. We are all laying on my bed together. My favorite family time. Listening to their stories about their weekend and them wanting to see all of my battle wounds. There's nothing better. Here are a few pictures my friend Annie took the morning after surgery, experimenting with my new boobs!! :)

Focus.......

Well, the last 24 hours have been somewhat challenging. We have discovered that I am allergic to my pain medicine. So, I got to spend the entire night scratching off my top layer of skin. I thought that I was going to lose my mind!!! Then, after talking to the doctor, we had to wait another 3 hours for them to call in another kind. I guess my pain wasn't a top priority to them. They should have been here at the house with me! They might have changed their tune!

My family has been amazing! John has been amazing. Don't get me wrong, it was getting a little rough last night, between me itching to death and John not getting enough sleep. It would have made a funny movie. We survived without any bloodshed. It was a busy day with a lot of "comings and goings".

A friend of mine sent me a beautiful email that was so encouraging to me. I would like to share some of it with you. It came from an interview from Pastor Rick Warren. He was talking about the struggles he has been having with his focus during this hard time of his wife battling cancer.

" Life is a series of problems. Eith you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort, God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.God din't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

Home sweet home!!

Well, I have survived my first 24 hours after surgery! A friend of mine, gave me great advice. She said go to sleep with a smile on your face and then you are sure to wake up from surgery with a smile still on your face. It really worked! It was an amazing feeling to wake up and know that the cancer is out of my body!! I have been so touched by everyone's prayer and support. I can already see God's work in all of this. There have been people reading my blog that I would have never thought would ever be interested in what is going on with me. I am finally home and looking forward to a quiet week of recovery. I will try and keep everyone updated as often as I can. I'm not making any promises though. Thanks again for all of your prayers...and thank you in advance for all of the meals. That will be a huge help.

The journey has begun.....

Well, I didn't have the strength left last night to do a post. I spent the day so completely busy, that I pretty much exhausted myself emotionally and physically. I got into bed with my husband and spent about an hour crying in his arms. I had done everything I could to avoid that moment, but knew that it needed to come. I know that it's a natural response and I needed to mourn with him. He needed it too. It was probably the most precious and most emotionally intimate time we have ever had together. It reminded me that no matter how strong I may be, I need to take that time for myself to just be human. God's presence was so strong, it was amazing. We can sense His hand in all of this. None of it feels like an accident. To lighten the moment, John started to sing "my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God can not do." It was our kids favorite song to sing when they were little, and it was just so fitting to hear that song. Pretty funny. Most of you will probably be reading this when I am already in surgery. Please pray for my family most of all today. I will be so high on drugs, I will be fine. They are the ones that have to endure a long , stressful, boring, day.

"MY GOD IS SO BIG, SO STRONG and SO MIGHTY, THERE'SS NOTHING MY GOD CANNOT DO!!!"

Love you all, thanks for your prayers and support.

Till next time....

One more day.....

As the day approaches, the butterflies get bigger. I was dreading Monday coming, because I knew once that came, Wednesday would be here before I knew it. Today, was an EXTREMELY
busy day. But that's a good thing. I woke up to take Jadyn to the dr. She is at home with strep throat. So, please pray that she will be healed before Wednesday. And that I don't get it. Then, I canned salsa with Annie and Tracey and CJ. That was a lot of fun. I really didn't get to do much, but I supervised quite a bit. Sorry Annie that I turned out to be kind of a flake on that. Next time, I promise to be much more attentive to the process. Then, I got to go over to a friends and let my guard down and just be Jen for a little while. No one there to protect, so I had a good cry and we prayed together. It was amazing! Sue, I don't know what I would do without you. You are a comfort to me all the time and I'm counting on you to continue being that through this journey. Then, I got to go out to dinner with my long lost friend Brandi. That was a lot of fun. We were able to catch up on life and just chat about life for a while. It was a real blessing to feel connected again. Brandi, you are a great friend, and I know that you are someone that I can count on for help! I thank you for that! Now, I am at home, nursing Jadyn back to health and spending some more quality time with my awesome hubby! If you didn't hear today, the surgery is now sceduled for 3p.m. on Wednesday. I check in at 11:30. So, I will talk to you all tomorrow. Love you all......

I am only human.......

As my surgery day approaches, my anxiety grows. Don't get me wrong, I still am completely positive that I am going to beat this, but I guess I'm only human. The vain side of me is kicking in I guess. I know that eventually I will be whole again, but the thought of losing another part of my body is very overwhelming. So, to stay busy this weekend, I have taken on a lot of projects. My husband is about ready to send me to the hospital early!! I have my drawers cleaned out, the bills payed, the laundry is caught up and I have redecorated the boys room! I changed my welcome box at the top, so take a look at it again! I better go, we are having family movie night. will check back in tomorrow. Thanks for looking!

We finally have a date!!!

Surgery is finally scheduled for Wednesday, July 22 at 11:30 at Arrowhead Hospital. The surgery should last about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. They are going to start reconstruction right away. It's going to be a long process , but I'm glad to at least get it started! Pray for my family...I don't want my kids to get stressed out through all of this.