See you in a minute....

Katie, I miss you soooo much.  I know we said see you in a minute the last time we spoke, but

the minutes are taking hours and the hours are taking days.  I miss your sweet smile that would light up the room.  But, I can't focus on what I don't have but what I was blessed with for the 17 years of having you hear on this earth.  I am still amazed by the impact that your life has made on this world.  You were such a quiet girl that demanded little attention, yet the world was enamored by you.  What they saw in you was the love of Jesus.  The time spent with you in your last days we all got to witness that love first hand.  He was your everything.  Oh how I long to have that same love....You have inspired me to pursue a relationship with Christ that I never thought possible.  But, apparently He loved you so much that He wanted you with Him instead of with us hear on earth.  So, are hearts are aching from missing you, but we are so happy that you are with your Lord and Savior at last.  So, I will see you in a minute Katie....

Not just a coincidence!!

Blessings.....

Well, I thought that I would stop blogging after I was finished with my chemo, but I soon found out that the Lord was not finished with my "journey". I actually don't even know where to begin. All I can say is that "God is amazing!"

When I was finished with my battle with breast cancer, I knew that I would never be the same person again. It changes how you feel on the inside, outside, and everything in between. The first adjustment, was this new hair that I have. That was my first blessing from God! Before chemo, I had fine, thin, straight hair. Then, when my hair started growing back I found out that
God had blessed me with a full head of thick, curly, course , really fun hair!!

The next blessing was a little more painful to receive. If any of you have heard the song by Laura Story, "Blessings", that is my theme song. My blessings definitely came through raindrops. All throughout my battle with cancer, I really felt as though I was trusting in the Lord with all of my heart. But, he reminded me very harshly, that I was not. I was still placing my absolute trust in myself and my control. I allowed the Lord control, as long as it wasn't too painful. As soon as it started getting uncomfortable for me, I grabbed those reigns. I just have to tell you, that through the love of an amazing friend, and sister in Christ, I have to come to learn what totally trusting in God means! It has changed my life and my families!! God is sooooo good. I will elaborate more as the days go by, but God has just really been prompting me to start blogging again. I can not tell you how many blessings have come my way, through my battle with cancer, and my struggle with my own control. I have been able to speak God's truth to soooo many people that otherwise I would never come in to contact with ever in my life. When I actually let myself "be still" and know that He is God, all of those blessings became so evident to me. For any of you who may read this and the rest of my story, please know that I do not want any of the glory to come my way. It all belongs to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who sat beside me and watched me try to control my life for such a long time. What a reunion that was when I finally was able to reach over and grab His hand and begin to walk RIGHT beside Him instead of in front of Him. Try it, you too, will be blessed. That is His promise!

"May your feet walk in holiness and

your steps be ordered by the Lord.

May your hands be tender and helping,

blessing those in need.

May your heart be humble and

receptive to one another

and to the things of God, not to the world."

2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I think it has finally sunk in...I'm done with chemo!!!!! I can't explain the feeling that I have. I have been able to sit and reflect a little about my journey and how lucky I am. I am probably sounding like a broken record by now. This has definitely changed my life forever. Every life experience I have had up until now, I think, how can the Lord top that one! He manages do it every time. I feel closer to Him than ever before. There were many days laying in that bed, that the only one that was there listening was Him. It brought a closeness in our relationship that I haven't ever felt before. I look for a purpose in everything now! Don't get me wrong, I still have my "mindless" activities that I will enjoy...such as shopping!! But, my everyday relationships have changed. I have learned to slow down and "be strong in the Lord, never give up hope...forgive and forget...don't forget why you're here..." I will NEVER forget why I am here ever again!!! It's not to aquire earthly things...it's to let His light shine every day and thank God for each and every day that He chooses to give you, regardless of the circumstances!!!

I wanted to post some shots of my pink party at my last chemo! The people that you hear me talk about all of the time. The one's that I couldn't have gotten through all of this without!!! The last shot is with my "kindred spirit" , my niece Rory. She is such a little spitfire. I can't help but feel a connection with her. (besides the fact that we have the same hair-do going on!! I love you Rory Morgan!! You make me smile!!

Cinderella....

Most of you will probably think that I am losing my "marbles" after you read this post, but the people that this is really meant for will totally understand!!

As a mother, I pray that I will never hear the words that one of my children has cancer. At the beginning of this "journey" I guess I didn't really stop and think about how this all affected my mom. Even though all of her kids are grown, she is still a mom. Now, she was dealing with one of her children fighting cancer. My mom is the most amazing woman that I know. This has probably been the hardest on her! I could not have done this without her. She has totally put her life on hold, for me and my family. We have a standing joke around here.... Mom's nickname is "Cinderella" . She is always running around this house, working while I lay in bed. She is either making dinner, doing laundry, vacuuming, running to the store for my latest cravings, just sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my legs. From the very first day of chemo, she is available to do whatever is needed of her. And that is usually a lot!!

Cinderella, today was your last "chemo" day to work. I can't thank you enough. Words can't even BEGIN to express how much help you have been to me and my family!!! I love you!!!!

An end to chapter of Jen's Journey....

Well, it's hard to believe that this chapter of my journey is coming to an end. It's been quite a journey, but a purposeful one. I am so blessed with so much support around for me AND my family. I can't imagine doing it any other way. From my sister organizing soooo many meals, my husband for supporting me at my treatments, my mother-in law being the taxi cab driver, my other sister being the cheering squad ( well really Rory and Abby), and ALL of the prayers!

When I set out on this journey, I was determined to not be "defined" by this cancer. I can't say that our lives haven't been affected dramatically by the cancer, but it definitely didn't define me. The Journey did. It has become my ministry. The sermon in church today was about Paul and Silas and their ministry. How they used every opportunity to minister to people. Whether it was a woman on a corner or the prison guard that had beaten them moments earlier! While I was listening to the pastor, I was thinking of how my story related to theirs. They did not have an easy time of it, that's for sure, but they never quit. They were determined to turn their hardships into good for the Glory of God. That is exactly what my goal was and still is. I pray that when people hear my story they don't feel sorry for me. I hope that they see how I have turned a pretty grim situation into a ministry to win people to Christ. Thank you Lord, for this opportunity!!

Still here.....

yes...in case any of you were wondering, I am still alive and kicking. I guess things have been so busy with trying to keep "normal" life going, I haven't had the energy to sit down and blog about it. I can't believe that I only have one more chemo treatment left! When I was told in August that I was going to have to go through this, 5 months seemed like such a long time. Don't get me wrong, it has been a long road, but it really is going by fast. The last treatment went pretty good. I was definitely more physically exhausted, but not quite as sick. I think my last one will be better because of the mental victory, knowing that I have completed the battle! What a feeling it will be when I can stand up and claim VICTORY!

Things have been challenging at home trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. When that week of chemo is over and I start feeling better, I want nothing more than to be a normal wife and mother. But, my body just doesn't allow me to do that. The simplest of things, like going to the grocery store, are physically exhausting. It is really easy to start feeling really depressed. That's when I have to remember, I might be feeling better, but the battle is still raging inside my body. I just picture all of those cancer cells (if there are any) getting destroyed by the chemo. That pumps me up. The hardest part is when my baby girl is sitting on my lap crying, because I can't go watch her program at school because I'm too weak from the treatment and just can't be around all those people. That breaks my heart. She is so young and she doesn't understand all of this. She just wants her mommy back. Little does she know that when I am done with all of this, she is going to be sick of me. She will want me to stay home once and awhile! I can't wait for that day!

God has provided me with some amazing opportunities to share my story with people that would normally never hear it. I got a call from my pastor at church and was asked to share my story at the Thanksgiving service last week. People prayed all week that I would have the strength to make it, just 5 days after my treatment. I made it and managed to make the entire church cry. I just pray that my story touched just one person and made them realize that with God all things are possible....! Even the most impossible situations! This week, I am going to speak at my nephew's class at Boulder Creek High School class and share my story. Thanks you Lord for enabling and equipping me! It's all for your honor and glory!!

I will try and be better about updating. It will be a busy week, trying to get the house decorated for the holidays. Bye for now.

Happy 9 month birthday J!!

I was so excited to go up north and get some great shots of my beautiful grandbaby in the fall colors! He is so precious. That smile just melts your heart!

Pretty in Pink....

O.k. I know that it has been a long time since I have done a post. I guess I have been a little busy. I had my third treatment last Monday. It went much better than the others. Don't get me wrong. It still wasnt a barrel of fun, but at least I wasnt doubled over in pain. I am halfway through!!

The Race for the Cure was on Sunday. I was nervous that I wouldn't have the strength to make it there. It meant a lot for me to get there. So, we got a wheelchair from the church and my sisters and mom made these awesome signs. And we prayed a lot on Saturday because I really wasn't feeling very good. God is amazing! I woke up Sunday morning feeling energized and ready to go. Thank you for all of your prayers!! It was the most awesome day. Jenn's Journey of Faith team is awesome. That's all I can say. To see everyone there to support me meant so much! Oh and the best part, John's mom, a 20 year breast cancer survivor, flew in from Michigan the night before to surprise me! What an awesome surprise! Now I had someone to push me in the Survivor's parade! It was an awesome day! One that I will not soon forget. Next year, I will definitely be running the 5K! So, start training for next year everyone!!

Here are some shots from the day and a link to the news interview of Jadyn and I! Love you all!!! We are the Cure!!!

The news interview

http://http//link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid41699786001?bclid=35150280001&bctid=44473220001

This one's for you Mom....

When I got diagnosed in July..one of the first things I thought of (and John) was what about my elk hunt in September?! Most families wouldn't understand that, but in our family, hunting is pretty much our favorite activity. I do love to go. I know it's hard to believe. I just love being with my boys in the wilderness enjoying all of God's amazing beauty. I know I'm supposed to be looking for elk, but I'm usually looking at the sunrise and the flowers still blooming, and hearing the peace is very therapeautic. So, when I found out last week that I wouldn't be allowed to shoot my gun because of the risk of doing some damage to my reconstruction, I was very disappointed. But, as it always does, God's plan turned out to be much better than what we had in mind. I was able to pass my tag down to my 15 year old son, Jake. So, hear I was...able to go on a hunt with John and two of my boys. We really had a good time. John has done an incredible job with his boys and teaching them how to treat a lady. I never felt more protected and taken care of before. They were constantly concerned with how I was doing. It really touched my heart.

To top it all off, I was able to be there when Jake shot his first bull elk! Not many mom's get to see that moment. The look on his face was priceless. And to see the pride on his big brother Josh's and his dad's face made it that much more special. Jake was worried that he would feel really guilty shooting an elk with my tag. I told him not to feel bad, just get a big one and make me proud. Do it honor of me!!! He did a great job!!! The pictures don't do it justice. He shot it right before dark, so a lot of the pictures turned out a little blurry. But, I think you'll get the idea. I love you boys! You're the greatest. I'm the luckiest girl in the world!!!

JNZJNY....

It finally came today. I ordered by personalized breast cancer awareness plates a few weeks ago and have been anxiously awaiting their arrival! I always heard that once you are diagnosed with breast cancer you are immediately a member of this "sisterhood". I never really understood that until my turn came to be a member. It is the most amazing feeling. A feeling of "never being alone". Now I have the plates on my car telling the world that I am a member of that sisterhood.

I have been feeling really good for the last week or so. Good enough to go on the elk hunt with my boys. If you ask my mom, she will tell you that I over did it. It did pretty much wear me out, but it meant a lot to spend that time with "my boys". Jake was able to get his first elk "in honor of his mom." I will be posting those pics on the family blog as soon as John gets home with the camera. I'm trying not to think about Monday. Treatment number 3. I am determined to make the most out of the last few days until then.

Four to go.....

Now I really know why people call this a "battle". You don't really feel it until you are fighting it yourself. With football in full swing, it hit me.....I'm fighting a long, strategic, battle...that I will win. Why? Because I have the best play book in the league. His Word!! No secrets. No amazing will power, just the good old Heavenly Father, who is holding me in His arms right now saying...We got this Jen!!

When I was sitting in the "beautiful, brown, vinyl, chemo chair" this afternoon getting poked with needles. My beautifully supportive husband could sense the anxiety coming over me. He looked up at those IV bags full of the poison that would soon be running through my veins, and just started thanking and praising God for this healing medicine that is keeping me alive to watch my kids grow up and my grandkids. That was just what I needed to hear. He is the most awesome man that I could ever ask for. Thank you God for giving me the exact weapons I need to walk this journey. I know that none of it was an accident, from me falling in love with this man 17 years ago...the the neighbors that you have put in my life...to the developing of my love for photography...to the most awesome family anyone could ever ask for!!!!

Journey on.....

Peace in Jesus...

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

God never promised us a life without trials and challenges. Who am I to feel sorry for myself because I am experiencing one now? This is what He has called me to walk through today at this very hour. I will do it with all the grace and faith that He will give me.

Please pray that this round will be a little easier. Just no complications. Thank you for healing me.....

New beginnings....

The day finally came. My scalp was getting really sore. It felt like a bad sunburn. I decided that I didn't want to wait to find my hair laying on my pillow or in the shower. I wanted to have control over when and where it came out. I was ready today. Jackson, John and Jadyn were right there cheering me on. Jackson actually did his first. Then, it was my turn. I'm not going to try and act like it was easy. Because it wasn't. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But, it actually feels really liberating now. It's the last old thing to come off that the cancer was attached to. Now it is nothing but new beginnings.

the beginning......

Well, this might rank up there with the wierdest post I have done so far. But, it's all part of the process and I told myself I was going to share everything from beginning to the end of this long journey. I am feeling stronger every day. That is definitely a plus. I guess I need to take about 10 days to get myself back. It's good to be back. My friend Annie actually took me out of the house today for something besides a dr.'s appointment. That was fun! Thanks Annie.

If you would have told me 6 months ago that I would be crying today over losing my nose hair!!..I would have told you that you're crazy!!! But, I did. I guess this is the beginning of the end of my hair. I know it sounds silly, but it really is traumatic! (along with a little painful!) I just needed to call my sis and cry for a few minutes and then I'm over it. My scalp is feeling a little tingly. Some say that is the first sign of the hair falling out. I think we might be having a girl's night and just shave it off in a few days. That way I am still feeling somewhat in control! We all know I like that!

Anyway, that was my big drama for the day....along with dealing with some mouth sores. That's nothing I can't handle. I go tomorrow for a blood count to make sure I can get my next treatment. Pray for all to be well. Love you all.....till next time. You can thank me later for not posting any pictures of my "hairless nose" :)

A rough road.....

Well, anyone who says that chemo is a "piece of cake" is not being truthful. I can pretty much say, that kicked my rear! Monday was a breeze, Tuesday too. But, come Wednesday, I felt like I had been kicked to the curb. By Thursday, I found out I was having a bad reaction to the chemo and to the shot that I got the day after that was supposed to boost my blood count. I guess, being a younger patient, I didn't really "need" the boost in the blood cells quite yet, so, it was "oozing" out of my bone marrow and putting pressure on my bones. It felt like everytime that I stood up that my legs were going to snap in half. That's putting it nicely. By Friday morning after at least 24 hours of not keeping anything down, the Dr. had me come in for some fluids. I had four bags of IV fluids and several different kinds of drugs to control the nausea. I really had them stumped. But, I avoided a trip to the hospital after several hours in his office. By this morning, I feel 100% better. Still, pretty weak and a little achy, I feel human again.

Looking back now, on those few days. I really do feel like I fought a battle. As John told me on Friday, I was letting it kick my butt, I needed to get up and kick it's butt!! Those few days, I think I felt about as low that I could. I had no strength. I literally was calling out to the Lord to do this for me. I couldn't do it. Last night, when I got up the strength to turn on the computer, I saw the prayers that were going out for me on Facebook, and instantly felt the strength starting to come back to me. I remembered that I wasn't doing this alone!! Duh!! So, thank you all for those prayers. Keep 'em coming! I pray that the next several days continue to get better and better!

"He's not finished me yet! All the plans He's made for me I have to wait and see..."
Brandon Heath "Wait and See"

The Lord is all I need....

Good morning...I know I just did a new post and thought I was done until after my treatment. But, God had other plans. Not surprisingly, I didn't sleep very well, last night. I have butterflies in my stomach, like I'm going to a new school and don't know anyone. I opened up my devotions for the morning out of "The Satisfied Heart" by Ruth Myers. Here are the words God had for me this morning...

"Every good thing I have comes from you....The Lord is all I need."....."Our needs and our trials give Him a chance to reveal Himself in new ways. For every need in our emotional or mental or spiritual life, for every problem in our relationships, for every trial we go through, God offers something (such as His love, His power, His provision) that can bring us through triumphantly- if we know and believe and count on Him in the hour of need. God is our first Source, and ultimately the only Source, of all we need for a full and satisfied life."

Psalm 16:2, 5

The Lord knows that I have had plenty of trials in my life and every time he has something new and amazing to offer to me!! This is His chance to show His Glory and Power! How could I ask Him to take this opportunity away!!


My prayer for today is...
"I praise You that for every need of my heart and every situation in my life there is something in You that can meet my deepest need, and that You are here within me to do so.
I pray that Your love will dawn on me undimmed, so that I may rejoice and be glad in You. And may my roots go deeper and deeper into the soil of Your marvelous love. Day by day, hour by hour, fill me with Yourself."
Amen

One day at a a time....

One day at a time....those are the words that I keep reading on a bracelet I received from a sweet friend of my mom's. Sometimes it seems like hour by hour! Listen to the words of the first song I posted here. I hear it a million times a day, but for some reason it really spoke to me today. I know tomorrow is a good day. It is one step closer to being healed! One down ....Five more to go!! Pray for my family. Especially my amazing husband! He is being soooo strong for me. I am so thankful to have him. Till next time!

The "new" look!

Sorry that it has been so long since I have posted. John took me up north to our family cabin for a week. It was wonderful. No t.v's, computers, phones, just us together as a family enjoying the peace and the beautiful outdoors! It was a perfect place to go to finish recovering from surgery. I came home and felt like a new person. The kids started school and I have been able to feel like a normal human being for a few days. I feel great. I got another "fill" yesterday. I'm almost to a B!! So, I went and picked up my wig the other day, and I am really enjoying it. I have been wearing it around yesterday and today! No one can tell that it isn't real. (or so they say) So, I went to my friend Annie's house to show her and she wanted to take some shots of me. So, here they are! So, if you see me in the next few days or weeks and I look different, that's why!

Making the most of it.....

Well, I haven't posted since my appointment with the oncologist. I was prepared for the worst and I guess that's what I heard. My first treatment is August 24. I have a treatment every 3 weeks for 18 weeks. I WILL lose all of my hair, according to the dr. It's what I need to do to give me the best chance at a long and healthy life. 18 weeks is nothing when you look at the big picture. Soooo...I called mom and my sister and we had a field trip today. We went wig shopping!! Instead of all of us crying and being depressed that we were even having to do this..We made it fun! We just played dress up for a few hours. It was actually kind of fun. I think I'm going to wear one all of the time.

Playing around with long hair!!!!

The glam look. I just need some Jackie O sunglasses and I'd be good to go!

The final pick! (in a different color)